The 2 Day Instant Pot Roast

If you came here for advice on what to do with your ailing or aging dishwasher - you are mostly in the right place.

 By mostly, I mean that, yes - you will find that kind of information here. After all, you are on the web site for Appliance Rescue, and they definitely have that kind of info and have some excellent posts on this blog for that very thing.

 This post, however, is not one of those posts.

 THIS post is meant to break up your day with a little chuckle, or a big chuckle. It may motivate you to the creative arts (You wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you are sitting there, swearing to yourself that you could write a better post than this. In fact, if you are thinking that, you definitely should—the world needs more people doing creative things. And by should, I mean that you should write, not that you should sit there swearing to yourself and then not writing).

 But I digress. It happens. I’m not sure the fine folks at Appliance Rescue Dallas quite knew what they were getting in for when they asked me to drop some guest posts on this blog. But, too late now. We’re here, aren’t we?

 If you have managed to make it through the other things I have written, peppered through these pages, you will notice a pattern. The pattern is, I think we as a society are moving too fast. We are expecting things to be done for us immediately. And I think that the things we used to wait on would now drive us mad if we had to wait as long as we used to have to wait (does anyone remember dial up? Can you even imagine that now?)

 There is even a device that you can buy for your kitchen called an Instant Pot. Now, if I’m not mistaken, Instant Pot is a brand name, but there are many vendors that produce these kinds of gizmos.

 They are pretty straightforward. It’s basically a pressure cooker with a computer attached to it. You are supposed to be able to make everything from bread to yogurt to filet mignon in a fraction of the time it used to take you.

 Pressure Cookers, for those that don’t remember them, were essentially giant steam-powered bombs that our parents and grandparents would dig out of the back of the cupboard when they wanted to do some canning or scare the crap out of themselves and us by telling us at least a hundred times to STAND BACK WHEN I HAVE TO RELEASE THE PRESSURE FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE! IF THIS THING POPS OFF YOU CAN LOSE AN EYE JUST LIKE YOUR UNCLE BENNY!!

 As much as I wanted to learn everything I could in the kitchen when I was growing up, the pressure cooker was one device I was happy to stay the heck away from.

 So, imagine my joy when my roommate let me know that in addition to the pre-built library and typewriter collection she was bringing with her, she also came with an Instant Pot.

 At first I thought these were just fancy Crock-Pots with a cool computer and built in subscription to Spotify. After doing some reading, though, I found out the truth. The stove-top steam bomb from my childhood had evolved and was now computer controlled. I was sure this was just the robots second wave at taking over. The first wave, Teddy Ruxpin, didn’t fare so well in the 80’s due to the number of kids that removed the original storybook tapes and played Black Sabbath through the animatronic bear.

 So, yeah. Instant Pot. Slow-cooker on steroids. Pretty much the exact opposite of a slow crock cooker.

 I realized something else as I was reading up on this scary thing sitting on my counter. The thing that made these devices so irresistible was the fact that it could do so many things. Seriously. The main selling point was that you no longer needed your bread machine or your yogurt machine or your pressure cooker or your deep fryer or your slow cooker.

 Wait. What? This thing replaces the slow cooker? Something with the word instant in the name is going to replace something designed to cook things slooooooooow? No wonder the avocado toast set was snapping these things up. It was like having a little time-traveling Bobby Flay right on your counter. normally cook this roast all day, but I’ll do it in 4 hours or something like that. It’s going to be fast. Faster than slow, that’s for sure.

 Alright. We’ll give it a go.

 After some google-fu, I figured out that I needed to set the Instant Pot on the Slow Cooker setting (I was still having some serious trouble wrapping my head around that one) and then, per the interwebs, set the temp setting from Normal to Low to actually mimic my slow cooker.

 Here’s the thing, folks, in case you’re wondering.  If you use the slow cooker setting on your Instant Pot, it no longer even vaguely resembles anything instant.

 The pot roast that I cooked in the Instant Pot took (are you ready for it)...

 Two Days.

 You read that right. I wish it were a typo, but it’s not. And I’m sure that if you are an aficionado with an Instant Pot, somewhere in this post you will have figured out why it didn’t work as expected. And no, I’m not going to tell you if you’re right or not.

 So, yeah, at the end of the 8 hours (just as long as the slow cooker would have been), the carrots were still raw. The potatoes still had the constitution of an angry golf ball, and the roast was not really done, although the whole house smelled amazing.

 The first night, we had paninis instead. The roast and its friends were transported into the crock of the slow cooker. And on Day Two, the slow cooker did it’s thing. And by the time I got home from work, the pot roast was amazing. The carrots were soft, and the potatoes had given up on being anything other than delicious.

 The lesson, dear friends and readers, is that sometimes you can’t rush perfection. You’re not always going to get things on your time. Some things have to be prepared a certain way, no matter what we may want.

 And if you have any doubts, I can assure you, the roast was worth the wait.

The 2 Day Instant Pot Roast.jpg

 Until next time, my friends, take some time to enjoy the things in life. Hug your loved ones, pet your dog, and don’t be afraid to slow down.